2005-05-19 - 4:48 a.m.
Okay..I was drunk.
Drunk beyond the point that I should have been at the time.
Writing a diary entry when you are drunk is like trying to speak Latin while chewing gum and whistling.
And reading an old entry that you wrote when you were drunk is like trying to read a message in a bottle..sent to yourself in braille.
All that aside...after rereading my old entry ..it lead me to believe this....
Its true...
I'm very heart broken.
Sure I go to a fancy culinary school..and no matter what...I seem to excel in everything I do...but now I am resigned to the fact....the absolute fact....
I was meant to be alone.
So all I am saying is give peace a chance (Bush) and also..maybe I can give lonliness a chance...St Francis of Asissi did it...Emily Dickenson did it...maybe I can too...Because in semi-lucid sober speak...I am really really really starting to hate humanity ,,,,and not just humanity but people.(I know) as well.
We are all just apes with knives and spoons..case in point...everytime I find a girl attractive ,,another guy does everything he can to humiliate me so I feel like nothing. Like monkeys ...flinging thier poo!!
I hate it ..I hate other guys..I hate social interaction...I hate pretending to be somthing that I am not for fleeting attention from some Brittany Spears or Jessica Simpson wanna-be..while inside my soul is slowly dying.
So I find from this day forward ...NOBODY...attractive...
And I mean it.
I am nonsexual....thats the metrosexual of 2005.
It will catch on...untill we are all nonsexual and "the whole damned human race"..as Mark Twain put it ..will cease to exist...
Or maybe I will just continue to be lonely ....untill I die.
